oh goshh..

i can't believe i'm actually blogging after almost half a year now! :) looking back at all my posts.. i do realise one thing though.. blogging is a good way to pen down all your thoughts and feelings.. well at that time.. i was single and minding my own business.. going about life as though i knew the answers to life and was just being strong... it wasn';t fake.. but it just wasn't entirely me.. i remember one post where i said that if i ever do fall in love.. i would blog it so i would remember.. so here it goes.. :)

I fell in love.. I fell in love with a person who brought out the best in me.. and the worst in me.. i fell in love with someone who is my rock from the first date right up to this day... i fell in love with someone whom i can actually admit is my better half.. i fell in love with someone i know i can trust my feelings with.. someone who won't back down on me no matter how stubborn i may get.. i fell in love with his straightforwardness.. his honesty.. his actions which proves what he feels.. i fell in love with who he was a year ago.. and am still in love with the person he is today.. and i know i would be falling for the person he will be in the future..

his famous phrase is you don't know what you don't know.. haha.. yes i may not know what i not know.. but i do know one thing.. i may not be certain about how things will work out.. but i do know that he is the one person i want to be standing next to for many many years of my life.. am i too young to make this proclaimation?? ... i don't think so.. this desicion is not based on feelings or hormones or chemistry.. it's based on a knowledge and certainty that no matter how rough the road may be for us.. both of us refuse to back down .. we may get tired at times.. but love will drive us back to each other.. that is what true love and commitment is..

i started this blog with a mission.. to pen down my thoughts of struggles in my life.. of happy times and sad... but i'm ending it today.. cause at the end of a happy, sad or tiring day.. i'll be coming back home to my better half..

for all the ones who have written posts for the past year.. thank u for being part of this blog. :) i hope that as i have found a conclusion to this blog.. you will find your own conclusion... :)

yours truly,
sue

PS: the butterfly feelings.. hmm.. yeah i do remember them.. but what i remember most about love or falling in love is the way i smile when i think of him or when i see something that reminds me of him... it's not just a smile on my face.. but a smile on my heart...

Job offers anyone!?

I'll be free from now till the 10th of sept..
I'm all for working part time.... just leave me a message if you guys know anything :)
thanks alot!

sad..

What is the purpose of loving if the ppl we love most are taken away from us the fastest?
All we're left with are memories.. Alor star's filled with memories for me.. good and bad.. and somehow the bad seem to outweigh the good..perhaps it's time to throw away the bad.. perhaps it's time to move somewhere else..

Faith..

i feel drained to the very core of my being.. mentally.. physically.. emotionally.. it's like a roller coaster ride... my life has always been a roller coaster ride.. the high doesn't last very long and the lows seem to linger a little longer than usual.. when i'm down and low.. and feel like life's throwing me into a whirlpool.. i get down on my knees.. i break down.. i pray..

peace.. i feel at peace with everything after i pray.. know what that's like? it feels like my burdens are all lifted up.. i feel assured that what i'm going through is temporary and that no matter what He'll always be there.. this is why I am christian.. the peace I feel during the good and bad. that;s why when i get good news, the first thing i do is give thanks to Him.. a small prayer is said at heart... when I'm down.. i pray..

ppl tell me that when bad things happen.. there's always a reason.. a lesson to be learnt.. a chance to grow.. All the pain i went through before.. I can't say that it was a lesson well learnt nor can I tell u the reason for the pain.. but i do know that my faith in god, the sense of security and peace He gave me was the one thing that helped me through those times.. and whatever the reason may be.. whether i'll ever find out or not.. i'm keeping the faith

Tired and afraid..

I'm drained.. my brain decides to have infarcts every so often and exam is just a week away! The infarcts costs me information I try to retain... So i read and reread.. but sometimes some information finds its way out ... and studying becomes redundant.. and i pick up a note, look at it( at this point some words are hidden under massive highligting) and somehow convince myself that I do know what it is about. Put it down. Move on to the next note..3 notes later.. I'm looking back at the first note because I don' t seem to remember what I just read. Feeling palpitations. stomach tightens. I'm having a panick attack. Fear of failing the exam. I so need a break! I'm telling myself to calm down and get some sleep.. but my brain tells me no.. push on! It's just a week away!

Tell me what i'm going through is very normal.. and that when the paper's in front of me.. I will be able to answer it and pass!

AFRICAN QUEEN,ME,KK,JONI...

Saw this pic today and am in a "jiwang" mood.. I miss you guys so much!!!.. everyone as well! the lankans,mahes, rahuli,meens, shamu damu! My sis, abang, adik, syed.. I can't wait for EOS to be over.. Promise me one thing guys... We are gonna paint the city RED!!!!! after exam! till i see u guys again,.. stay cool yo!

Dreams Vs Reality

Dream : By the beach, with a few good buddies, sun setting at a distance, sound of waves, sinking my feet into soft white sand..closing my eyes.. feeling the cool sea breeze.. not a single thought in my head..
Reality : Yet another day of studying..it's gonna be like that for the next 5 weeks.


Dream : Melting at the sight of the person i love.. butterflies in my tummy each time we meet.. smiles.. laughter....hugs
Reality : deprived medical student

Dream: My brown eyed guy..
Reality : Don't think he exists

Dream : Livin' the california dream babeH!
Reality : Ask KK..

Dream: Asking myself why I sleep like a baby through the night
Reality : Insomnia..

Do realisation of dreams happen? keeping my fingers crossed..

PS: haven't had inspiration to blog.. nor the mood to... hopefully after EOS 3, i'll be back to my old self.. till then, take care ppl!

The Perfect Man....

I was surfing the net and came across this poem.. put a smile on my face :) enjoy!

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain
.He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
Oh, screw this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay.


:) Made you smile didn't it? :) I think most girls would agree with this poem.. I know I do.. hehe

Any man of mine...

It's 7.30 in the morning and i'm awake! there are some songs i like to listen to when i my mind is thinking sleeep... and recently i downloaded this song called "any man of mine" by shania twain... has a cheeky tune to it and the lyrics are somewhat too idealistic. it starts off with " this is what a woman wants: any man of mine better be proud of me, even when i'm ugly, he still better love me" I agree with this.. too much emphasis are put on looks these days.. what happened to falling in love with who the person is.. to me, good looks is a bonus.. it's the essence of the person that really matters.. and when u fall in love with the essence of the person, you find small small things about the person that makes you think the person is so HWAT!! ( IMU ppl: think Thani's lectures, JPJ' lecture and Mahes's opening speech to the class yesterday! ) HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!

The song goes on to say "And I can be late for a date, dat's fine.. but he better be on time" .. CHORUS: "Any man of mine better walk the line...Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time...I need a man who knows, how the story goes..He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind.." Ok.. the song is a lil too unrealistic.. girls can be late for a date but the guy can't? And why is dat so? I like the chorus. It would be nice to have a man who knows what he wants,.. why he fell for me in the first place and give me all the butterfly feelings in my tummy ..

Bottomline.. i think everyone wants to feel that they're falling for someone.. someone asked me recently, whether i've fallen in love before.. I don't really remember....would you remember if you had fallen in love? surprisingly.. I can remember why I fell out of love! haha.. am i just another typical girl who chants " DOWN with men.. DOWn with love..!" nahh... I guess I just wanna be swept off my feet... I want to fall in love and remain in love with the right guy.. and if i ever do feel that way.... trust me, i'll blog about it so that i won't forget how the feeling is like...

Mummy dearest..

It will be exactly 2 years tomorrow since she left us... It feels really weird not having her around... and I dun think i'll ever come to terms with her death.. I am angry at the disease that took her away from us.. I am angry at god for allowing it to happen.. but i believe that everything happens for a reason... that will be the question i'll ask God when i meet Him.. why my mum?

She was an elegant, beautiful woman.... she had a heart of gold.. she helped whenever she could and she was one person that would go the distance for someone she believed in.. she appreciated friendships and loved her family to bits.. she was the glue that bound the whole family together.. always looked fresh and smelled good.. never sick.. always the one to take care of me and my dad whenever we were sick... She was a very capable woman.. dedicated to her job..always on top of everything.. regarding her work and us...

I guess I never expected that she was the one god loved the most.. in so many ways i want to repay all the love she showed me.. i told her that when i'm working, we'll all go back to indiana and she'll show me the hospital she had to spend 18 hours in labour to give birth to me.. so many unfulfilled dreams... i wish i had more time with her.. everyone in my family feels the same way..no one can replace her.. no one ever will.. I am trying my best to be the person she'll be proud of..

To anyone who;s reading this.. say a prayer for her..i wish you could've met my mum...

one confused girl..

i think i am one confused girl.i seem to have ideals that contradict themselves.. i seem to have opinions about everything but i don't have the balls to fight for what i believe in..

i realised that i've seen and felt disappointment so often that i come up with new ideals to hide what i truly want.. and it's time for me to start believing that good things will come my way if i start believing in them.. it;s time for me to start caring again about things eventhough 70% of the poeple don't give a damn about what i care about..

along the way, life will throw at you things that will make you doubt yourself.. but in the end.. you always revert to your original dreams and ideals... i already did..

What tickles your tummy?


In other words.. what makes you happy? i've been thinking a lot about the word happy.. everyone of us seek to achieve it.. yet it's so vague that we don't even know when we've reached that level of happiness... i'm a fairly simple girl... hot chocolate with extra whipped cream, chicken balls at the movies, watching the storm come my way from the balcony at my apartment, blue skies in kl ( which is rare), chatting with ppl i miss....jus a simple hello... all these puts a smile on my face..... but am i really happy with my life now?

I'm not really sure ... is there even a definate answer? i wish i was more trusting when it comes to love.. i wished i dared to fall .. but i don't.. so why do i whine about being single..? cause there's nothing else in my life to whine about.. ! haha ..i am in control when it comes to studies.. i am in control when it comes to decision about myself.. but when it comes to things that involve feelings and another person.. i am not very happy.. I wish i could be certain about someone.....

what is it that i seek that will make me happy in this area? i've been so out of it.. i don't remember how it was like to fall in love anymore....do you remember when was your last time someone actually made your stomach twist and turn ... ? when was the last time the thought of that special someone made you wake up with a smile..? it's been too long.. way too long...

i guess.. i'm jus waiting for someone who'll tickle my tummy...

What if..

There are lots of what ifs in our lives.. don't you agree?

What if i hated tomatoes..
would i still love italian food...

what if i were to do something else besides medicine..
would i still have passion to drive me..

what if i had gotten into local university...
imagine all the friends i wouldn't have met...

what if it hadn't happened 5 years ago..
would we still be together..

what if i weren't this independant
would i still be single

what if i gave up on my ideals in life..
who would i be today?

we all make choices in our life..and i made mine.. and choices define who and what we are today.. and what we're striving for.... it's nice to look back sometimes .. but we got to look ahead and ask the what ifs...

what if i were to date brat pitt......MMMmmmmmmmmm......

Disappointed...


Do you have an idea about how nice a person is.. .. and suddenly it changes because of certain events that bring out the worst in people...

I have a picture perfect image of how my friend is in my head... and i miss my friend.. but the moment i chatted with that friend again.. i see pieces of that image falling apart... it's funny how i always try to look for the good in people and end up disappointed... one advice:don't expect.. just accept...

but when it comes to a potential partner.. i do expect.. and as a wise friend once said to me.. whatever attraction you still feel for that person is minute.. you know what you want in life and that person's not the piece that fits into your puzzle...

wouldn't it be nice to live in a world where there are no disappointments.. where everything works out in the end.. but in the words of satan( of south park) if there is no evil.. there won't be good.. so being evil is good sometimes... :)

Alor Star...

the place i grew up in... i went back for the weekend.. i love going back to my hometown cause it's pretty predictable.. the same coffee shop with the famous "kon loh mee" would still be there..famous stalls like Mee Abu and Nasi Lemak Ali still makes me laugh a little everytime i see it .. and the uncle who makes my teh ais just the way i like it still remembers me.. :)

I get all excited the day before i go back to alor star ... but when i'm back home taking a drive in my esteena( my 20th b day present.. can't sell it!) around town.. i just feel a lump forming in my throat.. i look at the places which reminds me so much of my mum.. the places where we used to yam cha..i can't frequent those places anymore.. it just hurts too much at times.. the sellers there used to think i was her younger sister.. god.. i miss her so much..

the famous rojak stall in front of KSAH reminds me so much of my friend who used to talk to me about life, family,politics, our dreams and hopes..rojak's not really my kind of food.. but the atmosphere was just right.. two ppl talking about everything going on in our lives under a rain tree.. munching on rojak which had "cili padi" in it.. and when the sun starts to set.. we'll drive to the riverbank to watch it set completely... just two good friends sitting by the river bank feeling the sun's warmth fading with time..

I wish some things never have to change.. but they do...

Manja.......


I feel like a kitten.. who needs to be cuddled...i'm sleepy... Oh before i doze off... I actually had the guts to take out my piercing and change it! I'm proud of myself.. and i managed to coax andrew to give me his cool band.. :) i'll be keeping it for a while andrew.. ;)

going back to alor star this week.. can't wait to go back to my big bed.. and good food... my room back home is the place where i feel most at peace with everything around me.. life just feels complete when i'm back home..

i used to have recurrent dreams about a guy with brown eyes like mine.. and recently have been reminded of him again.. can;t remember his face.. but i remember those eyes.. i wonder whether i'll ever see it one day..

a good week..

What can i say? :) I had the best week ever.. :) Arvin and Shal came down and stayed.. and I got to see my dad as well.. spent some good quality time with dad and uncle.. and the next day.. spent awesome time with ex housemate and new housemate.. :) Spending time with all these people made me really think about what i want out of life.. .. I'm an idealistic girl.. and i'm sticking with my ideals till the person who tickles my tummy comes along the way.. till then.. i'm going to fight for what I believe in.. all my dreams to actually go on medical mission trips and be part of a political party,.. to fight for the minority's rights.. to help people who are less fortunate by giving the homeless food is also part of what i wanna do,... and these are the things that maketh who i am.. my ideals, my aspirations, crazy dreams and wishes at times can drive ppl up the wall.. but that's just who i am.. i'm not hot on the outside.. but i think i am hot on the inside.. hehe,..

oh and i attended a gig by the comeback kings( hope i spelled it right).. rishaad, you guys are awesome!!! :) it was a great night filled with laughter and card tricks.. got to meet really cool people like NUR, niggesh and Ronnie.... it's an honour to be part of your groupie! ;) I had a wonderful night rishaad.. i wanna go for more gigs! i'll be your water girl! ;)

What are you passionate about?

I've always had this passion to go on medical mission trips around the world.... and i always hoped that i would meet someone like that who has the same passion..and so far in my whole 22 years of my life.. the only one person who has caught my attention long enough to make me say.. hey.. "you're amazing" is my friend who's now working in sabah.. and he's gonna be a great doctor.. maybe i haven't met enough people .. or i haven't spent enough time with the men here in IMU to actually say that ... but yeah.. all i want is to meet a guy and we start talking and i realise.. wow.. he's exactly what i'm looking for in a guy.. and it can't be that it's been so many years since i actually found a guy who makes my heart skip a lil beat.. who actually challenges me intellectually...who inspires me to be who i want to be....... and i miss that feeling.. i miss that secure feeling of a man being in charge and you trust that person so much his dreams become your dreams... you guys get what i mean? all i want... is to meet someone and say to myself.. goshh.. he's amazing....

have you changed?

Well i know i have.... the only constant thing in my life at the moment is my studies.. i know i can always fall back on it and i love the security. I don't know how people can just give up studying after 3 years and venture into something new.. lack of passion for the subject in the first place? or decreasing passion for the subject through the years?

I guess it would be kinda cool if i just took a year off and did something totally different from medicine.. prolly join miss malaysia.. ....ok stop laughing now! and i mean it! stop it!.. ;p or just be a talk show host..( i hear laughter again). i always wanted to do something relating with advertising...

always thought the older i got the more sure i am of things.. but on the contrary...the older i get.. the more unsure i am of the everything.. so many possibilities in life, love, friendships, relationships.... the only thing i can be sure of is that no matter what comes my way...i'll embrace it and deal with it...

What a day...

I'm now listening to "jiwang" songs.. the kind of songs that makes me warm and fuzzy all over.. favourite song of all time.. jim brickman's your love is the greatest gift of all.. it's just simply everything i am when i'm in a relationship.. that song.. defines what kind of person i am when it comes to the four letter word...

OK.. before i get all lovey-dovey.. i wanna talk about my day.. it's been a good day!! :) I spent the whole night last night watching brokeback mountain with prasad.. and it's fun watching it with him..he makes cutely gay-ish remarks..ok at times i did that as well.. but then again.. the girls and guys in that show are like super hot!!! except for that girl from princess diaries.. she just got uglier in the show... blonde is so not for her!! anyways.. it was sad to see that two people who really loved each other could never be with each other cause of society.. and come to think of it.. we've come a long way.. accepting differences in people .. and i would say that i'm a different person as well.. i'm so accepting of new things nowadays.. and i like the new me.. i'm open to everything now yet i still am the same person when it comes to the essence of being me.. and cause of that i can't be HOT.. and my mission is to be HOT!!! some say i'm hot in my own way.. some say they can't see me as hot cause i'm too nice.. hmmmm..... maybe i'm saving my hotness for the right person.. but my new misssion.. is to go get myself a make over.. from nice looking sweet sue to HOT sue.. ;) maybe after sem 3 exam.. hehe..

I went to TFA( temple of fine arts) today with meenu, prasad, danen and priya.. and guess what.. I'm the only chinese around there.. it's kinda nice cause people look at me and go.. melayu ke? cina ke? separuh india? and i had the indian look going with hanna and all.. and met some of meenu's tabla konchos... it's so nice to see the diversity at tfa .. malay dude playing the sitar.. and chinese guy dancing the baratnatyam... and met a guy named KG.. who is a v sweet talker.. said i'm too hip ( in other words hot) to be a doctor.. i should be doing something else.. that would promote my hipness i guess.. :) i take that as a compliment.. and i bumped into dave!!! goodness.. how good a day was that.. meeting dave of all people.. my macha from alor star!! :) was good to see you again..:)

anyways.. going to sleep soon.. listening to songs then gonna watch scrubs.. and then it's the bed for me.. i love my sleep nowadays.. i guess i'm happy being me now.. i love everything that's going for me.. days are brighter.. nights are sweeter... cause i got back my parasympathetic effect which induces sleep..... thank god.. have a good week ahead everyone.. i think i'm going to love the next 4 weeks of my life.. haematology.. .. let's see if this will inspire me to be a haemotologist...

My nectar hasn't been sucked..

That's what meenu said to me last night..hmm... intepretation up to imagination.. anyways.. it was a good respi test.. i think i passed! :) and i had wine .. my b day present.. and another b day present from joni.. which i am wearing now btw ;).. we were all talking.. and i realised.. all of us there hanging out together had one thing in common.. we were all single.. no bfs or gfs to run to after exams.. you know how it feels like when you wish you had someone to jaga u after a test ? well for me... not just any guy would do.. i would want to have someone i actually love beside me..but i'm getting numb to the feeling now... i get very attached to the one i love.. i jaga them a lot... i fuss over them when they're sick... i call and sms everyday.. and maybe that's a little too overwhelming.. but heck.. there's no one to fuss about here anyways..

i was sipping my wine and looking at everyone around me and we are all nice people.. we're fun( i like to think so) to hang out with.. we seem to have everything going for us.. a possibly good career.. we love what we're studying.. we have good friends.. but sometimes you just wish you had that long term person beside you.. someone who understands you.. and loves you with or without nice clothes on...

I used to really want that... the long term relationship.. but now .. i'm just feeling numb to it.. .. have good single friends around you.. and you'll never feel down.. thanks guys! was a fun night..

don't you just love the rain?

i got back from uni...finally had some stress from studying.... and i went to my balcony to take some fresh air.. and dark clouds started to gather... in a distant i could see a white mass coming nearer to me... no.. it's not a ghost.. it's the raiN!!!.. the wind blowing at my face.. the soft trickles of water .. it just drained my stress away.... i think i'm going to do badly for respi.. no stress at all.. helloooo...it's like i don't have the drive anymore.. type 2 respi failure!!.. i guess i'll just go sit for this test.. like any other day.. and see the outcome. bleuks..

i'm back to my normal sleeping patterns now.. i duno when insomnia will hit me again... but i'm happy i'm sticking to sleeping at 2 am and waking up all fresh at 830 or 9.. :) i jus saw 2 kids playing at the swmming pool from my porch at the 9th floor.. and goshh.. i still remember those days when i was a lil kid wading at the kid's area.. with my floats.. life was so much more simpler then... no need to worry about other ppl.. jus worried whether scooby was on tv when i got home from kindergarten! .. ok.. is it just me or is it weird that i remember small small details about my childhood? hmmm....

well anyways.. i think part of growing up.. is part of making difficult decisions.. and caring when you don't feel like caring.. liking certain ppl without any particular reason why... which reminds me of the conversation i had with prasad yesterday ... we realised it's much harder to find a partner when in kl.. ppl in kl don't seem to open up as easily as ppl from our hometowns.. i guess that's why it's much easier to get into flings rather than start a relationship.. ppl jus like getting to know someone but when you know too much.. you tend to flee.. or move on to the next person who interests you... i guess it's not about geografical areas.. i think it's just part of growing up and being an adult.. you don't tend to trust people that easily anymore..

I realise after coming to kl... the potential partners i meet can't compare to the high school sweetheart(s) i use to like.... maybe the KL-knight-in shining-armour hasn't shown himself yet.. he could just be hiding himself...... in INTI ;) hehe...

It's sunday morning!!! :)

thanks to insomnia.. I slept at 6.30 in the morning.. and woke up today aound 11.30 in the morning.. :) and i woke up with a smile on my face.. have no idea why.. I'm NOT complaining though.. have a great day ahead ppl! :)

A day after my birthday..

and i feel somewhat at peace with everything around me... life is generally good.. am reminded of something i read which helped me move on after a heart ache about 5 years ago... " relationships are like dancing in a room.. when you're single.. you have fun dancing alone.. if someone joins you.. you have fun dancing with that person.. but if that person chooses to leave.. nothing should stop you from dancing.."

Keep on dancing... Nothing should stop u from dancing..

Me and Da MEn of ImU
Rahuli, me, Mahes and GEesh!








Me and the girls goofing around..
Nisha, JOni, me, Ime, Hiru, Muf





And the sinful cake which was sooo goood.....

The start of the gathering and i look somewhat young.. hehe

Then the hugging hugging starts... me and Joni...

(Da girls and ME)

A bitter-sweet birthday....

I'm finally 22.... and i remember joking about the age many many years ago with my friends.. we were saying that when we reach 22.. we will be 22 no matter how we read our age... front or backwards.. we're still 22..! So here I am.. at 22...realizing that birthdays are my excuse to splurge a little on myself.. eg: get a new, simple, rather expensive hair-do.. get new make up.. or body scrub.. everything to make myself happy.. :) but here i am ..the big 22..i'm strolling by th20s like a walk in a park.. i really can't believe 2 years since teenage years has passed meby..

I'm staring out of my apartment at the balcony.. with mahes and mufee.. and i asked mahes whether he ever got depressed during birthdays.. and i realise this is the first time in many years i've felt this way.. birthdays for me have always been happy.. around family.. and close friends... and even well at some point in my life.. potential partners.. and it's all good..but this year.. i'm away from home.. i miss my family... and my darling friend, KK got into an accident.. and guess what.. no potential partner beside me to blow the candle with me. but i had some v close friends come over for some pizza and drinks.. :) really was nice having you all here... just spent time not thinking about the exam..bonding... :)

The night went well.... but somehow i still feel kinda sad...something's missing.. i guess during birthdays i just wish some ppl were around me.. and i tend to miss ppl too much.. dats jus me.. and i start thinking about the future.. which shouldn't be the case at all.. cause as my philoshopy in life goes.. live one day at a time.. and you live all the days of your life.. without regrets! :)

To all my friends who are reading this.. thanks IMU pals.. you guys are the best.. my family now.. :) to my alor star gang.. i really miss you guys.. we need to hang out after exams!!... and to everyone who remembered that i was born on this day 22 years ago... and wished me.. I tribute these wishes to my mum whom i really miss and love... she suffered in labour to bring me into this world 22 years ago.. and you guys make me feel that all her effort actually paid off...

i tried logging on to my own blog.. but it's under maintainence.. hmmm.. and according to ayman.. they don;t like what i write... FINE!.. i'm gonna put in my annoyed-look picture...thanks to a picture taken by mufeedah( never knew about the pic) and reconstruction by rahul.. i actually am capable of looking annoyed.. Watch out ppl.. ANNNOYED SUE is here.. MUahahaah!

What is love?

I think the word love is sometimes overused.. I don't say it much.. unless to people i really love.. have you ever thought of the etiology of love? when do you realise you actually love someone? could it just be a strong emotion that drives 2 ppl together.. and ppl call it love? to me my idea of love is something in between " my best friend's wedding" and " the wedding planner"... in "my best friend's weddding" julia roberts loved her best friend for many years and one day when she realised he was getting married to someone else.... it hit her.. she loved him.. and in" the wedding planner" .. the verse.. love is just love hit me as well..

love doesn't have to come with a large bouquet of roses.. doesn't have to come with accessories.. doesn't come with a sports car.. love just hits you.. and you realise all the extra care you have for that person is actually a deep love you have for that person... when a deep sense of trust is developed between two ppl.. when the past doesn't matter.... you're just accepting the person for who he/she is now.. and if he/she should change.. accept the change in them.. as long as you know that you're both walking the same path together one day at a time... and if your paths don't cross in the future.. you'll still look back to this time and have no regrets at all walking the path with that one person you can actually say you love...

Love stands the test of time.. of distance.. of personality changes.. of health.. through thick and thin you just want to stand by that person... these are the things i can promise someone i love.. Interested in loving me anyone? ;)

The worst feeling in the world...

I think I'm suffering from some hormonal problems.. .. I don't eat well.. never feel hungry.. can't
sleep at night.... missing some ppl way too much.. Talking about missing..What can you do when you miss someone so much? Wishing that person was just there beside you... never knowing for sure when's the next time you're gonna meet again... Some days you're ok with it.. some days when the lecture's too overwhelming and you just need that person to hug you.. but you can't.. all you come back to is your phone and a blog.... the thing that keeps me going... my coffee.. makes me happy .. and my faith that we'll meet again... and hopefully somewhere... someone's feeling the same way too..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AP!!!!!!!

Thank you for the phone call.. was nice hearing your voice..! :) wishing you all the best in life.. Sending you lots of wishes from malaysia to you in Southampton.. looking forward to working with you in Alor Star hospital when we do graduate....

woman's intuition...


i've lived my life based on intuition....and i'm tired ... it's tiring knowing something bad's gonna happen.. and it usually does.. this time round.. i think my 22 birthday is not going to be a v nice one.. intuition ppl.. intuition... prolly my next blog will be the day when everything ends...

I actually found a way to add my picture into my blog...:D i'm smart afterall prasad!! :) oh and thanks to ayman.. this pic was modified to make me look better..

ok.. so here it goes..

i have no idea why i even have a blog..!! but i do have one.. and it's all cause of my insomnia.. i can't sleep at night.. and i find myself going online reading through ppl's blogs.. and it's quite sad.. i should be having my own blog! :) and even as i'm typing now.. i feel like it's a big big mistake.. who's going to read my blog anyways? i'm just going to ramble on and on about how old i am.. ( not very old yet mind u) and how single i am.. (which is very very true) and how sad the men in my university are.. haha.. no offence but yeah.. what happened to the childhood dream of meeting your knight in shining armour...? realized.. those knights don't exist.. and relationships are difficult to mantain.. so here i am.. a few days away from the big 22.. and grandma's asking me about marriage.. haha.. i got a gut feeling that will not happen anywhere soon... wanna know what i feel like now? i feel like i'm stuck in a rut.. hoping ... wishing that my 22nd birthday will actually sweep me off my feet... to my friends who are reading this.. a nice date with a decent guy would be a wonderful birthday present ;)